No, I'm not fine
Every time I listen to Dr. Marc Brackett discuss his research and findings on emotional intelligence, the world begins to make a little more sense to me. I recently listened to his podcast with Brené Brown as he discussed his latest book, Permission to Feel, and here are some key takeaways for me:
- When we talk about how we're doing, we tend to be superficial. (Not surprising, and can deeply relate here)
- We aren't honest about our feelings when speaking with someone in a higher position of power than us. This has to do with "meta-emotions" - the feelings about our feelings. (Ex. If I tell my boss I'm stressed out, they'll think I'm incompetent.)
- We often don't want to put in the time and energy in dealing with other people's feelings (which is probably one of the reasons we don't divulge ourselves).
- What you witness as anger might be someone else feeling shame. We cannot always read the situation.
- Emotional Intelligence is a game changer.
I am not a scientist or researcher on this topic but I am certainly living it every day and can see the benefit of being intentional with understanding, regulating and expressing my true feelings.
In the same podcast, Brené Brown mentioned that she starts each of her team meetings asking everyone to share 2 emotions they are currently feeling. A few months back, my wonderful colleague Tracy encouraged us to start our team meeting in the same manner, using Dr. Brackett's Mood Meeter as a guide. Here's what the exercise taught me:
- There are so many other emotions I feel besides happy, angry, and sad that I should be using to describe how I'm feeling. The mood meter is a helpful tool for this.
- Everyone is feeling something, and it's usually not what I expected based on external appearances.
- I felt more connected to my peers after learning how they were truly feeling.
- Starting the meeting in this way was fun and different! I was instantly engaged.
Just this week, I kicked off 2 1:1 meetings with Dr. Marc Brackett's Mood Meeter and the conversations that transpired afterwards were genuine, courageous, and enabled connection. Is the fear of doing this anchored in exposing yourself or wasting time in a meeting? If the latter, I can assure you it's an investment.
We need to go slow to go fast. When you make the time for intentional vulnerability, you're creating a safe space to express bold ideas, challenge assumptions and take risks. You also enjoy going to work more.
Today I'm a bit frightened but also hopeful and energized. How are you feeling today?